bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
