I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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