thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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