Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
