Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
The feeling are messing with the penis
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
