youre lurking in front of me
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
