woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
