I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
