he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
