If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
