I heard we made out
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
