I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
