did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
