you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
