Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
