and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
