I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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