got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
