We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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