About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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