I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
