someone get that fucking seahorse.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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