she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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