You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
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