I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
