Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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