wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
