It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
