Already got asked if we're dating
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
