I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
