i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
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