So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
