I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
