I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Randomize
