oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
