ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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