WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
