ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
