There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
