Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
