Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Terrible idea I love it
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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