Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
