I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
