you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
