how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
