Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Randomize
