we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
3 2 1 whiskey
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
