if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
