he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
