so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
