he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Found your dick twin last night
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
