This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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