I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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