I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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