he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
