just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Randomize
